I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
