never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
