does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
