Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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