dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
