If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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