she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
