walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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