Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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