you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize