I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize