eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
