I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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