Tell her she can't have a vagina
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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