So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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