I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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