the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
