You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
