My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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