So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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