ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize