if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
