i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
