I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if only i could text you this smell
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
