it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am midnight drunk by noon
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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