You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
