So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
