My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
