Who wears a wallet chain?!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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