If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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