Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
