proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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