ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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