I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i out mim tonsoeep
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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