my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
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Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
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Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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