Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
