When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
