walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
