Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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