where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he puts the penis in happiness.
i think i have herpe
just one?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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