he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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