It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
