Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
