you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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