that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
