The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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