I'm going to jail i love you
there's paper in my vomit.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I didn't notice because vodka
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
