I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
