How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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