my vag is so smooth its legendary
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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