I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
