I am full of burrito and curiosity
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
