swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
