I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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