Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
