you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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