do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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