i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
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I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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