I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
