Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
