he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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