so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
