In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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