I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
