C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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