he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
