Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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