dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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