I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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