dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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