stop calling my apartment porn island.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
